MANAGING YOUR THOUGHTS
Mothers day, another day in the calendar when we’re reminded to make time for ourselves and to look after our own well-being. Yet, in reality, the chaos and overwhelm of everyday life can make it feel almost impossible to find a moment — day or night — to do that. Sometimes, our thoughts are so scattered we don’t even know where to start.
So this Mother’s Day, I wanted to bring you something that may help.
I had the pleasure of meeting Trevor about six years ago, and after experiencing the clarity he brought into my personal life, I asked him to work with our MAMI and Parklane teams as a mentor and coach. The impact of Trevor’s guidance on our departments has been immeasurable, helping us navigate both professional and personal challenges with more clarity, resilience, and heart.
Trevor Waller is a writer, logotherapist, and facilitator, focused on meaning, communication, and conscious leadership. In the stillness of the 2020 lockdown, Trevor wrote Twenty-Two Lessons for Now: A Guide to Crafting a Life of Meaning and Joy — a heartfelt book originally intended as a gift to his niece. What began as a personal gesture has since touched many lives, offering gentle wisdom for those seeking courage, purpose, and joy in uncertain times.
This Mother’s Day, I wanted to share a piece of that gift with you, trusting that his lessons can help bring a sense of calm and clarity into your life too.
Lesson 1: Trust The Process (TTP)
Life isn’t meant to be lived perfectly … but merely to be LIVED … boldly, wildly, beautifully, uncertainly, imperfectly, magically LIVED.
Life is so much bigger than we are.
At any given moment, things are happening about which we have no clue, and yet, in time, they influence our lives in immeasurable ways. Somewhere, a boy is breaking up with a girl. While she is mourning the break-up, you are somewhere, wondering whether you will ever meet your ‘special one’. Sometime later, that girl becomes your wife. Life is scheming and planning. It sees her, and it sees you. Life knows what it is doing.
We are so limited by our sensory information – we can only see the small picture. The bigger picture is way beyond our purview. Why then do we worry so much about the things over which we have so little control? Why is it so hard to trust life’s process?
I do not believe that worry is innate. I think that human beings have been conditioned to worry. The infant does not worry about its next meal – it simply gets fed. Only when – through abuse or ill-treatment – the food does not come will the infant begin to worry. It is a learned response.
‘Be careful of strangers’; ‘Don’t go into the woods’; ‘Watch your back’. These messages condition us to believe that all is not well in the world. Sure, bad things happen, but it is my contention that no amount of worry will prevent the bad things from happening – they
will happen, whether we worry about them or not. But so will the good things.
The process of life unfolds, regardless of how much anxiety we choose to attach to it. Some even argue that excessive worry and anxiety may actually draw the negative closer, but I don’t know whether that is true or not – after all, there is a certain degree of randomness in the world. And then there is cause and effect. Somewhere between ‘shit happens’ and ‘I am in charge’ lies the human experience.
Given the choice to worry or to trust, I have found that trust serves me better. When you trust the process, you choose to believe that life is unfolding as it should. People will die; you will get sick – it is impossible to be alive without experiencing some degree of suffering. But you will also experience love. And you will also experience good health.
The visual representation of a heartbeat on an Electrocardiography (ECG) machine is a beautiful metaphor for life. Our heartbeat is life itself – a series of ups and downs and highs and lows. And yet, human beings want life to be a straight line. But a straight line is death – it is the complete opposite of what life is! Once you understand this, you stop fighting life – you take the good with the bad and the bitter with the sweet.
Somehow, we believe that having achieved a goal, we will receive our much-longed-for straight line. But it doesn’t work that way, I’m afraid. There is no respite – not while you are alive! Mandela knew this. At the summit, you can see those other hills. You may certainly rest – the long upward climb may require it, but it will not be long before you have to walk downhill. Soon, the uphill climb will begin again – after all, you’re alive! Why would you want a flat line? If you know that life is full of uphills and downhills, why should you worry? Would it not make sense to trust the process instead?
Trust and faith are synonymous. I have met so many people who have faith in God, yet they lack trust. Whatever – or whomever – you choose to call your God, life is God’s gift to you. You cannot have faith in God without trusting in life! In my view, you cannot trust the one without trusting the other.
In order to trust life, you must allow it to unfold without feeling the need to control it. You must, however, influence it every step of the way. Control and influence are not the same thing. Control is the opposite of trust. Influence requires taking proactive steps to create the life you desire, whereas control assumes that all the variables are up to you. They rarely are.
Trust is yours for the taking. Trust the ups and trust the downs. When they stop, so too does life. The troubles don’t last, and neither do the gifts – that would be flat-line living, and there is no such thing. When you embrace it all, you will find yourself in harmony with life’s rhythm. Half the battle will be won. From this place, you can begin to make your choices.
Welcome to a life of trust. It is the first – and most important – lesson.
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